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As a general rule, humans put their trust in two areas in which they are all utter failures.

The first: We think we know what we should actually worry about. 

The second: We think that the way we see things is actually the way that things are.

Let’s take the first case in point. Think about all of the things you worried about yesterday, or today, or last Wednesday. You pick. But you have to list all of them out and be as specific as you can.  Very likely, nothing actually happened the way that you worried it would and, conversely, many things happened that you didn’t even bother to think to worry about.

Perhaps you’re saying, “No, Dave! I’m an amazing worrier!” 

Give me 10 minutes of your time and I will come up with at least 50 things you should be worrying about that haven’t even crossed your mind. And most of them will be better things to worry about, things that are actually much more likely to happen.

You are a terrible worrier.

But you might be putting a lot of stock in your worry list.

Why? It’s not a good list. It’s not an accurate list. For the most part, it’s not even a real list. 

It’s just a list of things you picked.

It’s just a list of things you chose to shine the light of your attention on.

There are other things you could choose to shine the light of your attention on.

Start to realize that you are choosing what to dwell on.

Sure, you don’t really get to choose what arises in your attention and passes through your attention.

But most of that stuff just needs to pass through your attention. 

It doesn’t need you to apprehend it, interrogate it, take it prisoner, lock it up, guard it, and focus on it.

While you don’t control what arises and passes through, you do choose what you shine the light of your attention on.

That’s all you. That’s your choice. 

Start to own it more and more.

Change the focus of your attention and you will change your life. 

As Hafiz says, “You carry all the ingredients to turn your life into a nightmare — don’t mix them!  You carry all the ingredients to turn your existence into joy — mix them, mix them!”

Okay. Now for the second area in which you are quite the failure: thinking that the way you see things is actually the way that things are.

There are many great studies and anecdotes and tests that demonstrate the limits of our perceptions, particularly the limitations of “eye witness” accounts used in a court of law. 

All of these studies and anecdotes add up to the reality that we’re not all that great at seeing things how they actually are.

And speaking of anecdotes, here is one of my favorites to illustrate this point. 

I was playing the handpan for a group at our local hospital. It was the COVID-19 era and I was actually at a vaccination clinic to help create a calm and relaxed vibe. 

Of course, we were all wearing masks.

As I played, I got lots of nonverbal cues from folks that they were really enjoying the music. 

But there was a certain nurse who would look at me and I was 100% certain that she wanted me to stop playing more than anything else in life.

As I played into the second hour of my time there, her body language, the furrowing of her brow, and all the intangibles I was feeling in my body convinced me that she probably hoped that I would just die and take the horrible instrument I was playing with me to my grave. 

Really. 

Seldom have I felt such disapproval and disdain.

It was sheer willpower that kept my butt in the seat and my hands moving across the pan.

Finally, it was time for me to go. 

I was a bit shook, to be honest. 

I was volunteering my time and here was a person who was so disapproving that she detested me, hated me, and wanted me to die.

Zipping up my bag and getting ready to leave the room, I heard someone’s voice.

“Sir?”

I turned. 

The nurse had come over to where I had been playing and was now standing just a few feet away. Definitely not six feet.

“Oh, God. I thought. I really don’t want to hear confirmation of what I know to be true. I really just want to leave and lick my wounds.”

“Sir?”

“Yes.”

And then I looked into her eyes. 

There were tears streaming out of them and down her face, wetting her mask.

“Sir. I just wanted to say that that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. I needed that so badly today. We all did. I really can’t thank you enough. We can’t thank you enough. I hope to see you soon. Thank you.”

My jaw dropped inside my mask. 

I walked out of the building trying to piece together what had just happened.

We are quite terrible at seeing things the way that they actually are. 

We see things the way we are.

And, if we’re lucky, we stay open and curious or someone just opens a window and lets in the refreshing air of “more real.”

Our limitations are extravagant. 

Realizing our limitations is one of the first steps to not being bound by them anymore.

“You carry all the ingredients to turn your life into a nightmare — don’t mix them!  You carry all the ingredients to turn your existence into joy — mix them, mix them!”

Peace