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15 minute writing timer. Ready. Set. Go. Stand back. Fall behind the experience. Let go. Stay open. Just don’t close. Watch the mind. Relax and release. Let it be. Let it go. Let it in. I step out of reactivity and allow myself to accept and feel what is in my body; I embrace what is present. Breathing in, I calm myself; breathing out, I smile. I am at peace with myself as I am and with the world as it is. I am unchanging loving awareness in which the ever-changing flow of life arises. I have the right response to every situation. I am safe with myself. I have what it takes to be with this moment. I am here. Now, I am here. I am here now I am here I am here now I am here I am… I can only take one ice bath at a time. I can be with this moment as it is as I am. Life is only unbearable when we demand it change. That which we welcome cannot bind us. I am the seer; the witness of all that is seen. I am welcoming, loving presence. We are not coming together to help each other. We are coming together to be present with ourselves with each other, knowing that when we are present with ourselves and others, we cannot help but change. Pain is a thing. Fear is a thing. Things come and go. I sit in the seat of centered awareness. I sit in the seat of centered, loving awareness. Breathing in 4. Holding 7. Breathing out 8. Breathing in 4. Holding 7. Breathing out 8. Allow energy that was being pressed down and out to move up and through. You are an emissary of light and love; carry it with you everywhere you go and to everyone you meet. I am an emissary of light and love; I carry it with me everywhere I go and to everyone I meet. I rest in calm awareness. I am enough. I commit myself to the care of loving presence. I commit others to the care of loving presence. Today was a day of being with each moment and choosing to do the task at hand whether or not I felt like it or not. Today, I just noticed it arising, let it pass, and got back to doing what was right in front of me. I practiced breath work this morning as soon as I woke up, I sat in silent meditation, I walked outside in the rain to the ice bath, I soaked in the ice bath, I exercised and stretched and jumped on the trampoline in the rain, I went through a series of asanas in the living room, I clothed myself, I prepared coffee, I put together a lunch for my daughter, I did the morning ritual with my son, I drove them to school, I walked Iris in the foothills, I talked with my dad, I read and responded to student journals, I edited mindfulness meditation recordings from class and sent them to students, I played tether ball with Sophia, I prepared dinner, I watched a show with Sophia and Noah, I took Iris on a walk through the city, I picked up Noah from theater rehearsal, I sat down in front of this computer, I began typing, and I am still typing. Only a few years ago, I would have gotten caught up in all sorts of drama on days like this. Only a few years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to get out of bed on a day like this when I felt like this. Today, I am here and I have what it takes to stay present and connected to my body and to show up to what life is asking. It is monumental, my friends. The change. The recovery. The healing. The incredible amount of work that I have personally put in to get here. The choice to live a different life than the one my brain looked like it could live. I am here, being and doing. It is grace and it is effort. They go together. And I’m really proud of myself because no one will ever know just how hard and dark and challenging this road to recovery has been and what it takes to keep it going day in and day out. But I know. My body knows. I’m proud of you, Dave Jones. I’m proud of you. Time.